Welcome to a forum dedicated to the support of your second favorite team -- provided your second favorite team is anyone who plays Dallas (why wouldn't it be?). This will serve as my inaugural post, of which many (at least 3!) are sure to follow. If it is unclear why anyone would spend time musing about a team that holds the two spot in the power-rankings of my heart, allow me to be your tour guide through the fiery channels of an impassioned hatred:
I was in Ocean City, Maryland not long ago. I strolled through the seaside kiosks, half browsing with friends when I came to a store that hawked t-shirts featuring various profanities. None of the shirts were more clever than simply having the word, "Poop!" emblazoned on the front (you can't beat a classic!) but some of them were funny. A football fan, I zeroed in on the sports ones – hoping to find one about my Redskins. After a quick look-see, I found one with a burgundy and gold helmet that read, "My Two Favorite Teams Are the Washington Redskins and Anyone Playing the Dallas Cowboys!" Hilarious! It was an old joke, but like I've mentioned, I'm partial to the classics. There were other rivalry shirts: Packers v. Vikings, Pats v. Chargers, Dogs v. Cats, Ants v. Anteaters, Anteaters v. Anteater-Eaters, and so on. But there were multiple variations supporting whoever opposed Big D. Finally, something America agrees on: we all hate the 'Boys! Whoot!
Poot! This vision of America does not exist, and the hazy promises of hope offered by our upcoming president will do nothing to change it. That's because lurking in every city, great or small, exists some clown who roots for Dallas. They look and talk just like you and me. Some of them even smell o.k., but beneath their placid veneer is a rabid Dallaphile ready to unleash his lunatic fandom at the mere mention of lowest 48. They scream at people casually wearing jerseys that aren't blue and silver, holler obscenities at sports radio hosts, and generally make a mockery of what it means be passionate about sports. While I've suffered through years of Redskins fandom, they've been handed unearned success and immediate gratification. They're the sports world's version of celebutaunts.
Over the past years, I've been inundated with football commentators showering the 'Boys with hyperbolic praise and refs allowing their jack-assery to go unchecked. At times my patience wore thin. I admit to even rooting for them once as a child. I asked myself if maybe they really are deserving of all the praise they get. But no! Since their freakish three-peat back in the day, they have been so consistently over-hyped that it makes my brain muscles throb.
Fortunately, Something new and wonderful is happening in the world of all major sports, and I can barely keep myself from erupting. For the first time in ages, every major sports team from Dallas kind of sucks.
So to honor this momentous occasion, I'll be bringing you updates on who is playing the role of your Numero Two-O in the following weeks. We'll celebrate every bruise on Tony Womo's widdle face, every dropped pass and sour-puss expression of Terrell Owens, and do our best to jam more powder into the bulging keg that is the Cowboys's locker room. But don't worry, we won't forget about the Dallas Sarah Palins on the hardwood or those fading Stars on ice. God bless this new age. Just thinking about the feast of awfulness Dallas is bringing to the table has set my tummy a-rumbling!
(Does Dallas have a baseball team? I bet they do, those spoiled little brats!)
Current Standings as of 11/15/08:
Your 2nd favorite football team is: 4 and 5 (don't worry, they're degenerating fast!)
Your 2nd favorite basketball team is: 7 and 2
Your 2nd favorite hockey team is: 8 and 6
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