It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Dallas at the Redskins today. Provided the Skins win, this will easily be one of the best days of the season. It's not every day that my second favorite team is also my favorite team. It's like rooting for your best-best friend! Despite winning their first match up and being at home, the Skins are listed as a point and half underdogs. Two big reasons for this: the first is the return of boo-boo-plagued Tony Womo (apparently, he was such a brave widdle quarterback while recovering that Jerry Jones let him have breakfast for dinner last night, yum!). The second is the rumor that Redskin workhorse Clinton Portis is out for the game. Despite what the people in Vegas say, the Redskins still have a good shot at this one. Washington's packing bona fide Dallas-slayer Santana Moss. Plus, they always seem to get much more pumped for these match ups than the Cowboys. I guess when every team hates you, rivalry games don't carry much significance. I predict that both offenses will sputter early, but while the Cowboys begin having a snit-fit and self-destructing, the Redskins will keep their composure and eventually pull it out. Your Second Favorite Team: 20, Dallas: 17.

When the game kicks off, I'll be at church ignoring the sermon so that I can focus on prayer-punching the Cowboy starters in their stomachs. I'll either catch it on DVR or at whatever restaurant we go to after the service. If the good guys pull it out, I'll spend the rest of the week happily oblivious to anything else. If not, the wifey is going to have one moody man on her hands.

The Mavs will be playing tonight too. By playing, I mean, "going through the motions while Jason Kidd searches for a Delorean to take him back to a time when he wasn't awful." A year ago, we'd have no hope of a New York Knick's win, but now there's a pretty good chance that the lamest big three in the NBA will come up short. And that would just be gravy.

Oh, and this Eagles/Bengals game? It was like watching penalty kicks taken by Stephen Hawking and Professor X. Can't they both agree that neither of them are making the playoffs this year and get to resting up for next season?

My Two Favorite Teams: The Anteaters and anyone who beats the Anteater-eaters

Welcome to a forum dedicated to the support of your second favorite team -- provided your second favorite team is anyone who plays Dallas (why wouldn't it be?). This will serve as my inaugural post, of which many (at least 3!) are sure to follow. If it is unclear why anyone would spend time musing about a team that holds the two spot in the power-rankings of my heart, allow me to be your tour guide through the fiery channels of an impassioned hatred:

I was in Ocean City, Maryland not long ago. I strolled through the seaside kiosks, half browsing with friends when I came to a store that hawked t-shirts featuring various profanities. None of the shirts were more clever than simply having the word, "Poop!" emblazoned on the front (you can't beat a classic!) but some of them were funny. A football fan, I zeroed in on the sports ones – hoping to find one about my Redskins. After a quick look-see, I found one with a burgundy and gold helmet that read, "My Two Favorite Teams Are the Washington Redskins and Anyone Playing the Dallas Cowboys!" Hilarious! It was an old joke, but like I've mentioned, I'm partial to the classics. There were other rivalry shirts: Packers v. Vikings, Pats v. Chargers, Dogs v. Cats, Ants v. Anteaters, Anteaters v. Anteater-Eaters, and so on. But there were multiple variations supporting whoever opposed Big D. Finally, something America agrees on: we all hate the 'Boys! Whoot!

Poot! This vision of America does not exist, and the hazy promises of hope offered by our upcoming president will do nothing to change it. That's because lurking in every city, great or small, exists some clown who roots for Dallas. They look and talk just like you and me. Some of them even smell o.k., but beneath their placid veneer is a rabid Dallaphile ready to unleash his lunatic fandom at the mere mention of lowest 48. They scream at people casually wearing jerseys that aren't blue and silver, holler obscenities at sports radio hosts, and generally make a mockery of what it means be passionate about sports. While I've suffered through years of Redskins fandom, they've been handed unearned success and immediate gratification. They're the sports world's version of celebutaunts.

Over the past years, I've been inundated with football commentators showering the 'Boys with hyperbolic praise and refs allowing their jack-assery to go unchecked. At times my patience wore thin. I admit to even rooting for them once as a child. I asked myself if maybe they really are deserving of all the praise they get. But no! Since their freakish three-peat back in the day, they have been so consistently over-hyped that it makes my brain muscles throb.

Fortunately, Something new and wonderful is happening in the world of all major sports, and I can barely keep myself from erupting. For the first time in ages, every major sports team from Dallas kind of sucks.

So to honor this momentous occasion, I'll be bringing you updates on who is playing the role of your Numero Two-O in the following weeks. We'll celebrate every bruise on Tony Womo's widdle face, every dropped pass and sour-puss expression of Terrell Owens, and do our best to jam more powder into the bulging keg that is the Cowboys's locker room. But don't worry, we won't forget about the Dallas Sarah Palins on the hardwood or those fading Stars on ice. God bless this new age. Just thinking about the feast of awfulness Dallas is bringing to the table has set my tummy a-rumbling!

(Does Dallas have a baseball team? I bet they do, those spoiled little brats!)

Current Standings as of 11/15/08:

Your 2^nd favorite football team is: 4 and 5 (don't worry, they're degenerating fast!)

Your 2^nd favorite basketball team is: 7 and 2

Your 2^nd favorite hockey team is: 8 and 6